This Is What Pregnancy No. 3 Looks Like

As the first of my friends to get pregnant three years ago, maternity photos were nowhere on my radar. But now it seems a glance at social media isn’t complete without stumbling upon one of these gestational shoots, a veritable milestone for the modern prego.

If you have somehow evaded this trend and get the chance to search “maternity photo ideas,” and I highly recommend you do, you will find they all seem to come from the same playbook. They are taken in a lavish forest or field, with a flowy dress and sometimes a crown of flowers(!), a doting husband full-on caressing an oft-bare, engorged belly. It’s as if every maternity photographer tells his clients he will turn them into Mother Nature herself if they just hold these cornflowers and flash a little of that popped bellybutton.

Though less common, other themes exist and are just as captivating. My favorites include the glowing mother-to-be shoving food in her mouth, and the pregnant woman who is on a bed and completely nude except for a lacy thong (or less). Because is there really a sexier time in a woman’s life than when she’s swollen and emotionally preparing for the imminent detonation of her birth canal? (READ: I’m just jealous.)

In general, these maternity shoots epitomize exactly what so many of us lose once that precious little bundle is born: glamour, willingness to allow ourselves to be pampered, ability to monopolize the spotlight and bask in everyone’s full attention. Naturally, my first thought was, YES I’LL HAVE SOME OF THAT PLEASE. What’s the big deal if I’m now on my third pregnancy and not my first?

Apparently, there’s a deal. Welcome to my third pregnancy! Continue reading